Joke #3424

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex?

How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

This could be considered the ideal world for many men: His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties. His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy. A picture of his wife on the milk carton.

Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra? Now he's hard up.

Camilla goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, whenever one sucks Charlie's cock one gets a stomach ache." The doctor says "Have you tried Andrew's?"

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

How do you know if your man is dead? The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.

One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one." The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask." The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?" The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"

A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window.