Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
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Bigamy is having one husband too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: They already have boyfriends.
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Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church.
One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him.
Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings.
The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings.
So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did.
The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?"
This time, Charlie replied, "I can’t hear you."
The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can’t hear you."
Finally, the priest yelled, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?"
Again, the reply was, "I can’t hear you."
The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the confessional and said to Charlie, "Trade places with me and you can ask me a question."
So, they traded places and Charlie asked, "Is it true that you and my wife are having an affair?"
To which the priest replied, "By golly, you’re right, you can’t hear in here!"
Why can't single women fart?
They don't get an asshole till they get married.
Q: What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve?
A: Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.
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A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!"
A second man walks into the same bar.
You would think after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it coming.
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest..
He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.