Joke #3424

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex?

Why can't single women fart? They don't get an asshole till they get married.

A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on." She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can’t wear your pants," she said. "That’s right!" said the husband, "and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can’t get into your panties!" She said, "That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude…"

How do you know a man is really a bad dancer? When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.

One guy says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."

"What is the thickest book in the world? What Men Think They Know About Women."

What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy.  "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."  Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"  The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."

Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A:None, the sockets go with the house.

In the beginning, God created Earth and then rested. After that, He creaed man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man got ever rested.