Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
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"What is the thickest book in the world?
What Men Think They Know About Women."
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why does a penis have a hole at the end?
So guys can be open-minded.
A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
"You grant wishes right?"
"Yes." replies the genie.
"Hmm, I'd like a million bucks."
Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar.
"Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!"
His friends sitting at the table replies,
"Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"
Ones the bus was full of people.
A man looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place.
An advertisement:
I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones.
Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat?
A: The Grape-full Dead!