"What is the thickest book in the world? What Men Think They Know About Women."
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
Sex is when a guys communication, enters a girls information, to increase the population, for a younger generation, do you get the information... or do you need a demonstration.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
Jennifer, wanna go to my place? I am not Jennifer But I didn't ask about that...
A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standingright behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?" "Canada, sir," the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada." "No sh*t?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"