Q: What would men do if they had breasts? A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer.
A nude guy was sunbathing at the beach, a little girl comes to him, he covers his private parts with a newspaper. The little girl asks, "hats under there?" So the man answers , "A bird..." The girl goes away & the man falls asleep. When he wakes up, he finds himself in a hospital & in alot of pain. A doctor comes up to his bed & asks, 'What happened?' The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach & fell asleep after talking to a little girl." So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses. When they got there, they see the little girl the man was talking about. So they ask her if she did anything to the man...? She answers, "I din't do anything to the man, but he was sleeping, I played with his bird, After a while, it spat at me, so i broke its neck, burnt its nest, and smashed all its eggs!"
Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing.
Something Special For His Birthday It was Jim's birthday, and he was considered to be an "old man" by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim's friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker. The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door. When Jim answered, she said "Hi I'm your birthday present!" Startled, he asked "What am I supposed to do with you?" "I'm yours for super sex," she answers. So Jim replied "Well, I'm 75 years old so I'll have the soup."
What is a "successful hunting trip"? When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything.