There once was a fellow from Kent
Who had such a long instrument.
To stay out of trouble
He folded it double.
And instead of coming he went.
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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of Womem"?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see."
She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
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A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril.
He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well."
The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
How can you tell if a man is aroused?
He's breathing.
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
There was an ad in the newspaper:
An agriculturist looks for a woman with a tractor.
The photo of the tractor is required.
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.
But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
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10 things men don't say
1)Let's watch Lifetime.
2)Sex is overrated.
3)I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you.
5)Don't we owe your mother a visit?
6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down.
7)Dessert goes right to my hips.
8)I hate when I miss Oprah.
9)Does this suit make me look fat?
10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
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