There once was a fellow from Kent Who had such a long instrument. To stay out of trouble He folded it double. And instead of coming he went.
What's the difference between a man and a messy room? You can straighten up a messy room.
Men are like Bluetooth. When they’re close they’re connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle. "That’s a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That’s still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I’d like to see something really cheap." The clerk handed him a mirror.
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year? "Forty-eight years old."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.