Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
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Q. Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A. Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade four.
Why are blondes only allowed a thirty-minute lunch break?
If they took an hour it would take too long to retrain them.
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder.
" The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"
What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year's hide and seek champion.
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.
A blonde, a redhead and a brunette look through a dictionary for the hardest words they know.
The brunette's word is "quizzical."
The redhead's word is "sardonic."
The blonde's word is "di*k."
Q. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A. She kept having affairs with men!
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One hundred: one to hold the lightbulb, the other 99 to rotate the house.
Three women are about to be executed for crimes.
One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around.
She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde has figured out what the others did.
The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"