Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
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A blonde, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a brunette, a redhead, a lawyer, a rabbi, a musician, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American, A Russian, an Iraqi, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, George W Bush, Osama Bin laden and Barack Obama walked into a bar.
The barman said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting.
One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.”
The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.”
The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.”
The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?”
The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!”
He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?”
The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”
A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.
After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."
Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."
A blonde gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones.
The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them.
The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones.
Soon, the blonde falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones.
A few minutes later, the blonde collapses, dead on the floor.
Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to his ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."
A blonde has just gotten a new sports car.
She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff.
The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does.
The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it.
Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats.
He turns around and sees she's smiling.
So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car.
He looks back to see that she's laughing.
He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires.
He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down.
He demands, "What's so funny?"
She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"
Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy.
The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, “I think we’re in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?”
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, “I’ve got an idea. We’ll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours.”
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, “Oh no, I can’t tell whose puppy is whose. They’ve pulled the ribbons off while they were playing.”
“OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart,” says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, “Oh no, I can’t tell whose puppy is whose. They’ve pulled their collars off while they were playing.”
“There’s got to be some way to tell them apart,” says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, “I know! Why don’t you take the black one and I’ll take the white one!”
A blonde is standing in front of a soda machine outside a local store.
After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine.
She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button.
Suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continues to do this until a man waiting to use the machine becomes impatient.
"Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "No chance! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm winning!"
Two blond girls are discussing:
"Yesterday during the blackout I got stuck in the elevator for three whole hours!"
"Tell me about it! I got stuck too in the escalators."
How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.