When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini? A: "Olive or twist?"
A feminist walks into a bar that has a sign marked: ‘For Men Only.’ ‘I’m sorry, ma’am,’ says the bartender. ‘We only serve men in this place.’ ‘That’s OK,’ she says. ‘I’ll take two of them.’
Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio? It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!" The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused,because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!" The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, Grandpa, you're drunk! Go home!"
Why did the idiot put starch in his whisky? needed a stiff drink.
Champions eat Wheaties for breakfast. Chuck Norris eats Champions for breakfast.
Q: What's all over a clean nose? A: Fingerprints.
Good advice for cocktail parties: If you can’t say something nice about someone, just hold your drink and listen to others who can’t either.
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
What’s the difference between a bar and a g-spot? Most men have no trouble finding a bar.