He’s in debt up to his eyes.
The only thing he’s paid for is his hat.
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Two men walk into a bar, one wearing a cowboy hat and the other wearing a Yankees cap.
The guy in the Yankees cap approaches the bartender and make a bet: "I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at one end of your bar and piss into it from the other end of the bar without spilling a drop."
The bartender laughs and says, "You're crazy, but you're on."
The man positions a shot glass on one end, walks to the other end and unzips his fly. He then pisses everywhere all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottles of booze, and all over the bartender.
The bartender roars with laughter and tells the man to pay up.
The guy in the Yankees cap pays up, laughing and smiling, too.
"What are you smiling at?" asks the bartender. "You just lost $1,000!"
"Well, you see that guy in the cowboy hat over there crying? Before we came in, I bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar, your walls, your liquor AND you, and not only would you not be mad you would laugh hysterically about it!"
Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave.
The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out ''
I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table!''
The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again.
The third boy goes in ,sees the five dollars and cries out,''I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!''
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the Bishop with an unusual offer:
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows.
When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the Bishop looked the young man in the eye and said:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the Bishop and hissed:
"I thought we had a deal."
The Bishop put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?'
'But I only have $8,' his friend replied.
That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!
Yesterday I was at the hairdresser to cut my hair.
The cutting of the hair costs 3 Euros but I had only 1 Euro.
So I have asked the hairdresser if she will cut my hair also for 1 Euro?
She said yes, so I was glad.
Ok, it is not perfect, one side of my head is cut a little bit more than the other one, maybe I look a bit weird, but nobody is perfect.
Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat?
A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.
Yo mamas so poor she traded her car for gas money.
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
No!
Tell me about it.
It smells of $50 dollar bills.
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"
Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
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