What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
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What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it
Q: Why did my wife cross the road?
A: To go back to the first shoe shop we went in three bloody hours ago.
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender…
"Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"
"She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'"
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom...
I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.
Vote:
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Vote:
A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit.
He asked the driver her name.
She said, "I'm Mrs.
Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia."
As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
A man sits on a bus looking ashamed.
The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong.
He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh.
The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidently said, 'You f**king bitch, you ruined my life.'"