What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
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Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.
Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender…
"Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"
"She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'"
Why can't single women fart?
They don't get an asshole till they get married.
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
Vote:
Three women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant.
The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have."
The other to asked how.
She replied, "well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy".
The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived.
The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman?
A: Too close to the gas chamber.
Q: Why did God invent yeast infection?
A: So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying c*nt.
Pal: "My advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it!"
Me: "Guess how many buses it took me to get here."