Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
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At the pet shop, a man spots a parrot without any feet.
The man leans in, "Hey buddy, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a hook."
"Wow," says the guy. "I can't believe you're so smart! I'm taking you home."
Weeks go by, and the parrot not only understands everything the man says, but he gives good advice.
The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Hey, I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the mailman."
"What happened?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then, the mailman came into the house and lifted up your wife's nightgown," reports the parrot.
"Oh no!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"I don't know," says the parrot. "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player?
Bear Jordan.
Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?
She thought children should be seen and not herded!
What must a policeman have before searching a rabbits home?
A search warren.
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
She’s got that down-in-the-mouth look.
Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A: A snake in the brass.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
Vote:
I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 cock birds but only 1 hen?"
Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."