Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
What do you call a gigantic polar bear? Nothing, you just run away.
For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit. We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly." "How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space? Steer Wars.
Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop? A: Hopspital.
Q. Why don't lions eat clowns? A. Because they taste funny.
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells. The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector." "Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?" He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
Q: What is a crowbar? A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
Why was the horse all charged up? It ate some haywire!