Joke #3560

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
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has 29.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, fat, technology, time, Yo mama

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Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I have a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. It won't happen again. Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you. Regards, Alan. THE ACTIONS Bob, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbor head. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he has a subsequent message from his neighbor: THE SECOND MESSAGE Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out anyway, that you noticed that darned Autocorrect changed 'Wi-Fi' To 'Wife'. Technology hey? Regards, Alan.
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has 83.01 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, technology, time, wife
Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
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has 81.91 % from 7138 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and says: "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the stunned man. With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says: "Man, oh man! Is that good!" "And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him. Trembling the castaway replies: "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says: "WOW, that's absolutely fantastic!" At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively, and asks: "And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?" With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs: "Oh good Lord! Don't tell me you've got a laptop?"
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has 81.38 % from 217 votes. More jokes about: blonde, desert island, technology, time
Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
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has 81.17 % from 3970 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
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has 81.03 % from 5501 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, college, Santa, ugly, Yo mama
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
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has 80.40 % from 2977 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
yo momas so stupid when theives broke into her house and stole the TV she chased after them shouting ''wait you forgot the remote''.
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has 80.08 % from 2960 votes. More jokes about: insulting, stupid, technology, Yo mama
Yo Momma is so fat… That she broke a branch in her family tree!
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has 80.00 % from 1041 votes. More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama so fat it took nationwide 3 years to get on her side.
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has 79.91 % from 1125 votes. More jokes about: fat, time, Yo mama
Yo mamas so fat that when she stepped on a scale, buzz lightyear came out and said "to infinity and beyond!"
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has 79.85 % from 1413 votes. More jokes about: fat, Yo mama