How do you blindfold a Chinese person?
Put floss over their eyes.
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A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms.
The cashier asks him if he wants a bag.
He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."
Did you hear about the gay guy that's on the patch?
He's down to four butts a day.
Once there was this man whose car broke down.
He realized after looking for help for 10 minutes that there was a small farmhouse with an old lady sitting on the porch.
He told her his unfortunate story and she gladly let him in.
But first she told him, ''I have three rules that you musn't break or I'll see to it that you meet justice! But since talking hurts my throat so much, I won't tell you my rules.''
She let him sleep in the laundry room.
He found himself a comfortable pile of old wool sweaters.
After puffing his "pillow" he realized that a pair of pants were hanging down from a clothes line over top of his new bed.
Seeing that it was no big deal he pulled them down.
Instantly the old lady darted into the room and said, ''YOU BROKE MY FIRST RULE!''
He was sent outside to sleep in the donkey's stable.
Right beside him was a tiny donkey kicking him so much that he slapped it.
In a flash grandma was there: ''You broke the second rule.
Watch out.''
He was sent onto the porch to sleep.
All of a sudden a big, ugly cat came along and started rubbing all over him.
Being allergic to cat hair, he shaved it bald.
Here came the grandma.
''You broke the third rule,'' she starts, ''I'm calling the cops.''
The cops came and requested a description of what happened.
The old lady said, ''That man is a damned rapist.
He pulled down my pants, slapped my ass and shaved my pussy!''
Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"
Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted.
She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.
"Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson.
"Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."
"Very good, Sam. Thank you."
Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viagra?
A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.
Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
A: To get to the bottom...
Johny came crying.
Dad: "What happened?"
Johny: "Today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Rita, who sits in front of us, had her skirt stuck between her ass, seeing that my bench mate pulled it out."
Dad: "That's bad, but why you are crying?"
Johny: "I knew that's bad, so I pushed it back into her ass and she slapped me."
Vote:
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.
They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen.
There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.
Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day.
“Are you hurt?” she asks.
She replies, “Of course I’m hurt! He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
One day a tiny Apache indian child walked into Big Chief Sitting Bull's Teepee.
"Sitting Bull," He asked,
"Why does every man in our tribe have such long, complicated names?"
"Well," says Sitting Bull,
"Its simple.Whenever a baby in this tribe is born, His Father wanders outside, absorbs the wonder of nature and then names his child on the first thing he sees. Why do you ask, Two dogs fucking?"