How do you blindfold a Chinese person?
Put floss over their eyes.
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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head?
A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.
Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep?
A: When the big hand touches the small one.
Vote:
A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, "Cheese sandwich: 0.99; Chicken sandwich: 1.50; H*ndjob: 20.00."
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile.
"Can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man.
"Are you the one who gives the h*ndjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs.
"Indeed I am."
The man replies, "Well, go and wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich!"
A boy washed with his mum in the bathroom and saw her vagina and asks:
"what the hell is this".
"It is called a cave" replied the mother.
The next day he washed with his father and saw his dick and asks
"what the heck is this".
"This is called little Johnny".
The next day he went to school and his teacher was mad that he came late to school so she told him to sing a song.
He started to sing
"when the black clouds came out of the mountain little Johnny ran into the cave."
Hey babe, I'd like to take it your rack! High five!
Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with?
Anything for the family.
Two men were talking about their wives.
First: "I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please."
Second: "I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my dick and says: 'fill it up super!'"
Hitler conquering another village while ww2 and he decided to give a chance for every woman in this village to save their families.
He made all men to stand naked one next to another in stright line and every woman have to find her husband by doing them bl*wjob.
First woman starts to suck and saying:
"Not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, Mine!"
It's turn out that she was right so they could walk away free.
Second woman starts to suck:
"Not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, MINE!"
True again so Hitler was deeply surprised and decided to stand in line between men of village.
Third woman starts to doing her job and saying:
"Not mine, not mine, not mine , not mine, not from this village, not mine...."
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?"
Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!"
The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests.
"Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.