Based on statistics, the most used s*xual position among married couples is doggy style...
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.
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My girlfriends dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs.
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking.
They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment.
After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed.
Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling.
The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.”
The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
Why do women fart after they take a piss?
Because they can't shake it, so they blow dry it.
Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.
Guy: Do they swell?
Girl: No. They spread.
When two men have sex what position are they going to be in?
But what about when two dogs have sex?
That means that the two men are having sex doggy style then what ways are the dogs having sex?
That means that the dogs are having an affair with the men to have sex doggy style.
Q: What did the nut say to the bolt?
A: Screw me.
After a long time two friends met, happy to see each other.
One of them, chewing on something big, asked his friend how was he and what was new in his life.
After the friend told his story, he asked the same question to the friend who was chewing something.
"So, what’s up man?"
"It’s a shitty period, there is nothing that works in my life and I feel really bad."
"What is going on?!
"Last Saturday I went to Las Vegas. You know that from time, to time I’m going there to play at casino, three or four times a year. I took with me thousand dollars and I put the other hundred in my driving license that I left in the car. For the safety reasons, you know, if it goes really bad at casino, I must have the money to pay highway and go back home. And so I walked in casino, I bought the chips and found an empty seat on a roulette table, next to a beautiful woman, about forty years old with a very provocative neckline. I made my first bet on 32, the number of my house, aiming 10 dollars."
"How did it go?"
The guy continues to tell his story, without stopping to chew something.
"Released! I felt all the winning streak and I bet again on 32 and it’s released again. I was winning almost 13 000 dollars and the adrenaline was at maximum. I felt like I was the God and around the table came so many people to congratulated me and I bet more than 10 thousand dollars on 23."
"And it went out again?"
"No! This time came out a bloody 13. Do you realize that I had the bad luck? I had in my hands a lot of money and if 32 came out I was settled for a life time. But the horrid number 13 ruined my evening and the hole week after."
"I understand you very well. It ‘s really to eat the balls."
The other friend, continuing to chew louder: "What do you think I’m doing?"
Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A: A whore fucks everybody and a bitch fucks everybody but you.