How did the blonde try to kill the bird??
She threw it off a cliff.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
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What did the bee say to the flower?
"Hi, honey."
Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart?
A: "Cheap, cheap!"
What is the longest organ in a sheep's body?
A New Zealander's cock!
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails.
A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A little bear.
What do you call an ugly rabbit that sits on someone's forehead?
Unsightly facial hare.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady.
He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself.
He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.
''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''
''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''