How did the blonde try to kill the bird??
She threw it off a cliff.
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Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind?
A: A maybe.
In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.
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What is the difference between an pilot and a pig?
The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today"
The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes."
"What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss.
"I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."
Name an animal that lives in Lapland?
A reindeer
Good, now name another.
Another reindeer!
Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace.
She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"
The wolf keeps grimacing.
She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"
The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth.
She says, "My, what big teeth you have!"
The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
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Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
"Why cant you play cards in the jungle?"
"Because theres to many cheetahs."
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.
He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”
“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five."