What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
(A teddy boar!)
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Q: What is a crowbar?
A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets.
The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!”
“I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.”
The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers.
He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in.
Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the film.
Seated next to him is a woman.
She looks over at his lap and is horrified.
She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, “Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!”
Agnes whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it… you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.”
Madge says, “I KNOW…but this one’s eating my POPCORN!”
Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse.
He uses a lion.
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Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman?
A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?
Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
You momma so stupid I see her walking the pigs down the street I'd asked "What she doing?" And she said "Going piggy back riding"!
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A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot.
He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.
The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."