Joke #3732

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig? (A teddy boar!)
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has 15.15 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A mans dog dies one day, and the man is very upset. His dog did everything for him. Washed the dishes. Bought things from the shop. The man was so upset, he decided to go and buy a new pet. Once at the pet store, he asked the manager, "Do you have any pets that will do anything for me? My dog has just passed away and I want something to replace him." The manager looks around. "We don't have much, I'm afraid. Just this centipede here" The man looks puzzled, but accepts the centipede anyway. Back home, the man tests the centipede out. "Go and bring me a beer from the fridge", he asks. The centipede got to work straight away. "Go and run a bath for me.“ The centipede did as asked once again. The man, before getting in the bath, asks the centipede "Pop to the shop and buy me a newspaper please.“ The centipede does this. An hour later, the man comes out of the bath, to find the centipede sitting at the bottom of the stairs, and hadn't yet gone to the shop. "I thought I told you to go to the shop?" The centipede replies "GIMMIE A CHANCE TO GET MI SHOES ON!"
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has 76.74 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: How do you know Noah was a White man? A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
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has 54.95 % from 774 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, food, racist, white people
There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?" The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him." Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?" I said, "I never felt better in my life."
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has 73.60 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, lawyer, life
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, death, kids, Thanksgiving
Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns.
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
On the show Man v.s Wild, when they talk about the profesionals that Bear recieves help from, they are refering to Chuck Norris.
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has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.  Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"  The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.  Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it... with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said... "OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?"
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has 84.30 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: animal, travel
How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!
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has 39.42 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? It was the chicken's day off.
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has 22.04 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal