Joke #6108

Do you know what a plateau is? It's the highest form of flattery!
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The goal of life is living in agreement with Chuck Norris.
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On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"
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Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A: He didn't have the guts!
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A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
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Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like... Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
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Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
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One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh, c'mon, I'm sure there's one buried in your desk too.) Since he'd heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and - oh, surprise out popped a genie. The genie asked, as genies will, "What is your first wish?" The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, "I would like to be rich!" So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates. Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn't even have to ask for number two before he said, "My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!" And poof, he was there. Then the government worker or, as I like to call him, civil servant decided on his third wish, "I don't want to do any work ever again!" and poof ubiquitous ironic twist he was back in his office.
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A government is doing really bad and is very likely to lose the election. So they gather the cabinet to deal with the situation. "Guys we do not go well, we will lose power, we will lose everything. We need to do something" the prime minister said. A minister pops up and says: "We will redecorate! We will change desks, chairs, sofas, floors, curtains, everything will be changed." The others also agree and start to make plans. So sometime later, the maid comes inside, and she sees them so upset all working hard making plans, and says: "What about you guys, What is going on?" "We do not go well as government and we are changing the decoration" they reply. The maid shrugs tentatively. "Why do you react like that?" "What can I tell you guys" she answers. "Before I came here for work, I used to work in a brothel. And when business didn’t go well, we did not change the furniture, but the hookers."
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A wife told his husband to whisper her dirty things, the man then replied, "The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room."
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