What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
They're hiring.
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A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!"
he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
Chuck Norris lives in a Roundhouse...
And his favorite drink is punch...
Vote:
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?"
Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass.
You know what that means?
You Matter.
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Where are you going for vacation this year?
I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.
How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life.
After some years of pointless searching, she didn’t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper.
A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately.
On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy.
When she entered the room she stood steal...
She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room.
"But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked.
"Look.. I’ve never been with a woman, but if it’s the same as with the kangaroo, then I’ll need the whole room to catch you!"