Joke #3650

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."

What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.

Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson

Our baby looks just like me. But that’s OK, as long as he’s healthy.

Knock Knock! Who's There? Figs Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it's broken!

A little boy was pushing a heavy cart uphill with a lot of effort. The work was very tiring, so someone walking nearby felt pity and helped the little boy push the heavy cart until the end of the hill. He stopped indignant there and told to the child: "You should say to your boss that it is a shame to make a kid such hard work to do." "I told them, sir." "Well, what did they reply?" "Pull kid and some sucker will be there to help you."

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."

My great grandson's class were asked to make a mothers day card for their mothers. On mothers day he presented this beautiful hand made a card to his mum... Hearts and kisses and wishing her Happy Mums Day on opening the card printed in bold letters was "DADS THE BEST"... Needless to say, his mum still loves him.

As a child, I was afreid of ghosts. As I grew up, I realised people are more scary.

The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby." The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." "No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking." The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?" The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."

Chuck Norris was an only child. Eventually.