Define "Egghead":
What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
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The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
‘Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital.
They lay there and looked at each other.
Their families came and took them away.
Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other.
One of them looked at the other and said, “So, what did you think?”’
Steven Wright
A Ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food."
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
What did the blanket say to the bed?
Don't worry Ive got you covered!
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute."
Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky "egg"lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body.
Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely.
"What are you doing?," the female egg asked.
He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.
I can't tell if I'm depressed or just an adult.
One day a black white and Asian got arrested but the cop said if u can say green pink and yellow in a sentence, then u won't go to jail.
The black didn't know what to say so he went to jail.
The white said "well white guys are pink....." but the cop said wrong order so he went to jail.
So the Asian guy said "well the phone go Green green so i pink up the phone and say yellow"