How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?
Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
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No!
You don't have "Bad luck".
You have low IQ and you make bad decisions.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I'd bring back Walt Disney.
Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction...
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
Cessna pilot: "Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!
Do you have the airfield in sight?"
Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self-conscious about my advancing years.
One morning I complained to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class.
"Even the teacher is younger than I am," I said.
"Yeah," he said optimistically, "but look at it from my point of view. I thought my days of fooling around with college girls were over!"
Women prefer the simple things in life… like men.
Lebron better than Jordan?
Ha! Yea right.
Talk to me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.
Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
One sells watches and one watches cells.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts!