Joke #3678

How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator? Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.

On a beach a man shouts at another man: Tell your son not to imitate me. A man to his son: Son, stop playing the fool.

A son and the dad are walking around on the streets. The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind." The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"

Why It Sucks to Be an Egg... You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and when you DO finally get hard, it takes under three minutes and you're already in hot water.

Yo' Mama is so uptight, you need the jaws of life to part her legs.

Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.

Q. What is Snoop Dog's favorite weather? A. Drizzle

Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."

I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.

Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.

This could be considered the ideal world for many men: His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties. His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy. A picture of his wife on the milk carton.