Joke #3678

How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator? Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
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has 25.67 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: life

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A patient: "Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal." Doctor: "Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit." (After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines). Doctor: "Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, food, life
Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: In the mainstream.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: death, hipster, life
Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells.
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A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.
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has 71.85 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: life, teen
There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped. The Englishman was thinking: ‘The Scottish guy must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.’ Claudia Schiffer was thinking: ‘The English guy must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.’ And the Scotsman was thinking: ‘This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I’ll make that kissing noise and slap that English bastard again.'
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has 80.16 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, travel
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.
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has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
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has 58.98 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, life
Why did the Viking buy an old boat? Because he couldn't afjord a new one!
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has 25.81 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: "Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?" Pres says "You think we’re stupid boy?" "We made copies of all the receipts!"
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life, political, stupid
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, life