Joke #6684

Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A: He didn't have the guts!
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life

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A man walks into a chemist’s and says, "Can I have a bar of soap, please?" The chemist says, "Do you want it scented?" And the man says, "No, I’ll take it with me now."
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Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz? A: Cheez Whuz.
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: food, life
"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?" "Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
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has 46.02 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
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has 85.45 % from 599 votes. More jokes about: life
FOUR stages of girl & boy relation! 1. hand in hand. 2. that in hand. 3. hand in that. 4. that in that.
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: life
Life may not be worth living, but what else can you do with it?
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has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: life
The church is struck by lightning. The insurance company refuses to pay out for damages incurred, as there is a specific disclaimer clause for "An act of God", which, amongst others, lightning is classified as. The priest goes to every household and asks for a donation to rebuild the church. One Christian farmer protested, "I'm sorry, Pastor, but I can't give money to Somebody who set His own house alight!"
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has 80.52 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: christian, church, god, life, priest
Why is there a fence around the cemetery? Because people are dying to get in.
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has 71.22 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: life
How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize? Cause he was outstanding in his field.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor. “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief. But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.” “What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully. “That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened. “It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
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has 71.80 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, life, sex