Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts!
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What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock?
It repeated on him.
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
A: She will "let it go let it go".
Mary's father has 5 daughters,
1. Nana
2. Nono
3. Nini
4. Nene
What is the fifth daughters name?
Baby, at midnight we celebrate one year from the last time you kissed me.
Look how time files!
The fastest dialog in the world:
(WC door is opening)
Man inside: Heyyy!
Man outside: Sorryyy!
Me: "I'm finally happy!"
Life: "Lol, wait a sec."
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
A: It's a lifelong incarceration!
I went to a very beautiful place yesterday.
There were blossoms, roses and bright sky like a fantasy land.
I was so happy until some idiot woke me up...
Life is a car wash … and I’m on a bicycle.
A poor minister was having trouble managing his church.
The income was pitiful, the plumbing rattled, the roof leaked, the air conditioning didn't work, and the church didn't have the funds for any repairs.
The minister got a brilliant idea.
He bought a book about hypnosis, and read it from cover to cover.
At the next service, he took out a watch and chain, swung it back and forth, and lulled the congregation into a hypnotic trance.
He said, "I want everybody to walk down the aisle and put $20 in the plate."
They did, and he had the church's roof fixed that week.
This worked so well that the next Sunday he decided to do it again.
Taking his watch out, he proclaimed, "I want everybody to come down the aisle and drop $100 in the offering plate."
They did, and he got the air conditioning fixed and the parking lot redone.
His third Sunday, he got to thinking, "I haven't been paid in a long time. I deserve a little money."
He started swinging his watch again, and he thought, "I deserve a lot more than a little bit of money. I deserve enough to go overseas and have a cottage on the beach. I deserve a lot more."
He got so excited about what he was fixing to receive, that his hands started to sweat and as the watch slipped from his grip, he yelled:
"S**t!"
It took him two weeks to air out the church.