Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
One sells watches and one watches cells.
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Yo' Mama is so uptight, you need the jaws of life to part her legs.
T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons.
Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
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Q: If Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton participated in a spelling contest, who would win?
A: Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that "harass" is one word.
Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck.
There can only be 1 living legend.
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The Highlander movie was actually based on Chuck Norris's life.
There can be only one.
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What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!
A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!"
he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
Q: What fragrance makes you laugh?
A: Essense of humor.
3 things which change women:
1) I love U
2) I liquidated to your account
3) U have lost weight
The last one had been some fatalities!