Joke #4783

Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life

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Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Chad. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "
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has 78.47 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, marriage, wife
You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'. '
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has 42.19 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: life
I'm actually glad that 2 Chainz mentions his name at the begin of every song. It gives me time to change the radio station.
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has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: life, music
Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret? They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
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has 46.87 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, IT, life, phone
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
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has 84.18 % from 235 votes. More jokes about: bar, church, food, life, priest
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
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has 56.31 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: beauty, birthday, life, love, marriage
St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids." "Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates." A few moments later a second man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers." "Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise." A few moments later a third man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a Military Policeman, Sir." "Excellent my son, I've gotta take a leak, watch the gate will ya?"
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: cop, heaven, life
How many mexicans does it take to build... Oh shit, They're done!
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has 75.29 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: life, mexican, work
Q: What do you call an Asian family tree? A: A rice bush.
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has 57.59 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: asian, family, food, life, racist
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.
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has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, hunting, life