Cessna pilot: "Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel. Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide! Do you have the airfield in sight?" Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying." The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."
3 Stages of Sex: 1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room. 2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom. 3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"
J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day? A: TWERKY!
A tourist was watching an Indigenous man sending smoke signals. Everything around him was primitive, except of a latest model fire extinguisher. "What's the fire extinguisher for?" the tourist wondered. "It's for erasing the misspellings!"
Everytime a someone tells me my jokes are funny, I say, "Thanks! I got more lines than Whitney Huston's coffee table.".
Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz? A: Cheez Whuz.
What do a gynecologist, and a pizza delivery guy have in common? They both can smell it, but they can't eat it!
Q:How do crazy people go through the forest? A:They take the psycho path.
Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you... This is life of a dog.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.