Joke #3685

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"

Hey babe, I'd like to take it your rack! High five!

I like my women how I like my laptop. Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.

Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.

Teacher: "Little Johnny can you say a sentence to use with dirty words? Little Johnny: "Yesterday my school was late so I had to run in order to reach on time." Teacher: "You didn't use any bad word in your sentence." Little Johnny: "Well, when I was running I farted many times!"

Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply

We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.

How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.

Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.

Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.

A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel. He tells the duty manager, "I hope the porn channel is set to disabled" The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard!"