A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child.
The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child.
So the jury asks the woman first.
She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me."
The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question.
The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
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A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend".
"Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"?
After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
The neighbor from below told me that If I flood him once again, he will rape me.
So I turn on the water. I sit and wait.
A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and he says "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."
Boy: My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on.
Girl: Well its wrong...
Boy: Guess my watch is 15 minutes fast
Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.
Vote:
One day, a hippie and a nun get on a bus.
The hippie whispers into the nun's ear and says
"You wanna have sex?" and the nun says,
"No way you sicko!", after that, the hippie gets off the bus and tells the bus driver to tell the nuns to go to the graveyard at 9:00pm that night.
At 9:00pm the nun arrives at the graveyard and the hippie is there dressed as god.
The hippie then commands the nun to have sex with him and the nun replies,
"Ok, but can you do it up the back?", the hippie agrees and they do it.
After they're done, the hippie pulls of his mask and yells,
"HA! I am the hippie from the bus" then the nun pulls of HIS mask and says "HA! I am the bus driver!"
Wanna know Victoria's Secret?
She has a penis.
Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated.
When they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the second, "Oh my! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?"
The second old lady replied, "Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing! My gosh the penis on it was so large!"
Where upon the first old lady accidentally blurted out, "...Yeah, and cold, too!"