A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child.
The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child.
So the jury asks the woman first.
She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me."
The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question.
The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
Vote:
Q. Why doesn't Santa have any children?
A. Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.
Two gays Rupert and Cecil are lying in bed together Rupert starts rubbing vaseline on his chest.
Cecil ask, "What you doing?""
Rupert said, "I read that vaseline stimulates hair growth and I want a hairy chest.
Cecil said, "Don't be fucking stupid, if that was true I would have a ponytail sticking out of my arse..."
My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"...
its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...
Looking for man with these qualifications:
- won't beat me up
- won't run away from
- is great in bed.
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.
The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?"
Me: "Mom."
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gay guys can play star wars.
The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus,
but you're too shy to start masturbating in front of everyone...