Joke #3685

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
Vote:
has 75.18 % from 286 votes. More jokes about: dirty

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Me: Can I call an officer a pussy? Cop: No. Me: Can I call a pussy 'officer?' Cop: I guess you could... Me: Goodnight, officer
Vote:
has 60.11 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: cop, dirty
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"
Vote:
has 82.40 % from 647 votes. More jokes about: dirty, drug, women
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Vote:
has 53.15 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, travel, women
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Vote:
has 60.70 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, poems, sex, time
Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.
Vote:
has 25.03 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dirty, kids, sex
Superman was flying around Metropolis when he noticed Wonder Woman lying totally naked, spread-eagle on her bed. He thought, "Hmm... I could fly through that open window and be in and out before she even knew what hit her!" With nothing more than a rustle of the curtains, Superman was on his way, thinking, "Wow! She is really tight!" Back in her bedroom, Wonder Woman sat up asking, "What in Amazonia was that?!" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts!"
Vote:
has 79.54 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. “Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.” The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.” The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?” The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”
Vote:
has 85.45 % from 4131 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common? A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
Vote:
has 45.30 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: dirty, women
Can I dock my rocket at your space station?
Vote:
has 35.48 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sex? A: He didn't want to get hearing aids.
Vote:
has 57.83 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: dirty