My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
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Now there's a rack I'd like to be stretched out on.
Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain.
One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
First Lady:Whats that?
Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet.
First Lady: Where did you get it?
Second Lady : You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years old), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.
I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom.
Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?"
"My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.
I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.
Vote:
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207.
Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver.
She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?"
"Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish.
Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids."
"Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too."
"My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
On a pair of boxers:
Caution!
Contains nuts.
Q: Why is the camel called the ship of the desert?
A: Because it's full of Arab semen.
Vote:
I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow."
The next day she came in wearing black!
When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong.
Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.