My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
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Two nuns are sitting on a park bench.
A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them.
The first nun has a stroke.
The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.
Hey guys.
Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button.
Thank me later.
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer?
A: Chelsea.
Q: What's the difference between an Indian and a toilet?
A: The toilet smells good when it gets cleaned.
A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis.
He says to the doctor "My penis is too small."
Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch."
So the man thanks the doctor and leaves.
He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch.
Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy.
A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker.
"Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
One night on christmas eve, santa came down the chimney. He was putting toys under the tree for the good girls and boys of the house.
When he got the errie feeling that someone was staring at him.
He turned around and sure enough a lady in a nelgiee was looking at him.
When she noticed santa looking at her she said, "Santa can you stay, can yuo stay?"
Santa, "Hey, hey hey, me have to go. Have to deliever toys for good girls and boys."
So then she pulled down her negliee and showed santa her breast. "Santa, can you stay, can you stay?"
Santa, "Hey, hey, hey. Me got to go. Have to deliever toys to good girls and boys."
Then she took off everything and stood naked in front of santa and said, "Santa can you stay, can you stay?"
Santa, "Hey,hey, hey. Me have to stay. Can't go up the chimney this a way!"
Had a fight with an erection this morning.
I beat it single handedly.
I saw a sign in a public toilet the other day.
It said "Please leave this toilet in the condition that you would have liked to have found it in."
So I left it with a porn mag and a line of coke ...
Q: What is Moby Dick's dad's name?
A: Papa Boner