What has 100 teeth and eats weiners?
A zipper!
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Bully: Your dick is probably like a tic tac.
Geek: No wonder your mom's mouth is so fresh.
Class: Oooooohhhh!
I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said "1 dollar for dirty joke."
Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.
Homeless man: "Alright sir whats your name?"
Me: "John"
Homeless man: "So Johny, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have."
Me: "Two?"
Homeless man: "Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?"
Me: "Two?"
Homeless man: "Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?"
Me: "Two?"
Homeless man: "Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?"
Me: "I don't know? A lot?"
Homeless man: "Well Johny, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy."
Girl: Baby im wet.
Boy: Want a paper towel?
Girl: No, i want more then that ;)
Boy: Want 2 paper towels?
Girl: No, baby i want sumthing big and round ;)
Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?
This guy said send me a naked pic, so I sent him a picture of my kitty.
She's not wearing any clothes.
One day a women walks into work in a short skirt.
As she’s walking to her desk she gets stopped by a co-worker, who says,
“Your hair smells really nice today.”
She grimaces and stomps into her manager’s office.
She says,”I want to file a sexual harassment complaint!” and then relates what happened.
The manager says, “What’s wrong with him complimenting how your hair smells?”
Furious, she snarls, “He’s a midget!”
One day Little Timmy caught his mom and dad having sex.
Little Timmy asks his dad "Can I join you?"
His dad asks "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Timmy replies "No."
"Then no." Dad replies.
Later on he catches his dad looking at porn.
Timmy asks "Can I look with you Daddy?"
His dad asks again "Can your dick touch your ass?"
"No."
"Then no."
Later that night Little Timmy is eating cookies.
His dad walks into the kitchen and asks "Can I have a cookie?"
Timmy asks "Can your dick touch your ass?"
His dad replies "Yes."
"Then go fuck yourself these cookies are mine!"
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick.
An ugly woman is passing and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..."
He replies "If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!"
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do.
Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"
Jimmy was staring at a dog in the park whilst the dog was licking himself in inappropriate parts and said to his dad, "I wish I could do that."
Jimmy's dad looked down at Jimmy and said, "Maybe if you ask the dog nicely, he might let you!"