When I see you, there's a Ruthian blast in my pants.
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Why is there no mexican olympics?
Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder.
A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl.
So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better.
He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there.
The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died."
"Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?"
The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
What time does Andy Murray go to his bed?
Ten-ish.
Basketball is the perfect game for a black person.
All you do is run, shoot and steal.
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Q: What do gay guys have in common with bungee jumpers?
A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit!
A college freshman decided to try out for the football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed.
Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman.
He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach.
"But can you pass a football?"
The freshman hesitated for a few seconds.
"Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics...
In the summer.
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The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road?
A: He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.