Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be?
Fred: None!
Fred (surprised): Why not?
Fred: Because you can't lay eggs! 
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Teacher: “You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?”
Boy: “Not a bit!”
Nate: Why was school easier for cave people?
Kate: Why?
Nate: Because there was no history to study!
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Colorado Avalanche fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Avalanche fans too.
Not really knowing what an Avalanche fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.
There is, however, one exception.
A little girl has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not an Avalanche fan," she retorts.
"Then," asks her teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Detroit Red Wings Fan," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks the little girl why she is a Wings fan.
"Well, my Dad and Mom are Wings fans, so I'm a Wings fan too," she responds.
The teacher is now angry. "That’s no reason," she says loudly.
"What if your Mom was a moron and your Dad was an idiot.
What would you be then?"
"Oh," says the little girl.
"Well, then I'd be an Avalanche fan."
What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
There's this black kid that goes to school and realizes teachers treat him differently than the white kids.
So, he goes home, paints himself white and shows his dad.
His dad beats the crud outta him.
He shows his mother, "Hey Ma, Look! I'm white!"
He gets beat by his mom too.
Lastly, he shows his Grandmother, "Grandma, Look! I'm white!
She beats him badly with her cane and sends him to his room.
Later, his dad comes into his room and asks, "Son, did you learn anything out of this?"
And the boy replies, "Duh! I've only been white for an hour and I already hate three niggers!"
Vote:
Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong?
Pupil: I don’t know, nobody I know owns one!
You could give me 37 years to do homework and I still wouldn't do it until the night before.
Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
Student: You told me not to use tables.
Fred came home from his first day at school.
"Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her."