Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
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Yo mama's so fat, Godzilla tried to f**k her and fell in.
You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right?
Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla".
Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
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How far can a rabbit run into the woods?
Halfway.
After that she's running out of the woods.
What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery?
A yeaster bunny.
Go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.
But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.
If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.
If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.
Yours sincerely,
The CAT
What kind of whale flies?
Pilot whales.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.
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What do you call explosive cow vomit?
A cud missle.
Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise?
The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!