What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
(A drizzly bear!)
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An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers?
A: They have two left feet.
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm.
The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms.
The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate.
We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk.
With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!
What does the dog do if Raptors win?"
The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom!
How are skunks able to avoid danger?
By using their instinks and common scents.
Why did the gray whale go on a diet?
Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
Why don't cows ever have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry.
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini?
A: Procupines have pricks on the outside.