What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
(A drizzly bear!)
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Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window?
A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?
She thought children should be seen and not herded!
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in?
They had to pay the jockey overtime!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side…
What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow?
A tail pail.
What is the definition of "derange"?
De place where de cowboys ride.
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator.
The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!"
So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."
The bartender says "Well then, lets see!"
So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth.
He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it.
A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.
He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?"
An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."