What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
(A drizzly bear!)
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Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?"
Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor."
Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?"
Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
How do you weigh a whale?
On Whale Weigh Scales.
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in.
Which one do you let in?
The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger.
"How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny.
"That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first."
"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass.
The same stuff.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger.
"I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
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Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes?
A: "Kids, prepare the cutlery and your chin-straps.
Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
One day a teacher asked the class, "What is the difference between a bird and a fly?"
A student then replied, "A bird can fly but a fly cannot bird."
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A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked.
"Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.
How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed?
You can smell the carrots on his breath.