What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
(A drizzly bear!)
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What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer?
A full bull.
What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog?
A tourist.
What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter?
Deviled eggs.
An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat.
"But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously.
"Oh certainly, ma am," said the manager smoothly.
"After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"
What are the most athletic rodents?
Track and field mice.
A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home.
But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson.
He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet.
The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common?
You can't f**k with either one.
What's the fastest way to send a rabbit?
Haremail.
Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought the teacher had said lions.