Joke #10569

Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession." The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine." Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees. He just pulls them down and walks on top of them.

When Chuck Norris sets his watch, he sets time itself.

It was just a simple misunderstanding, your Honour." Testified the man charged with indecent exposure. "Explain that statement!" demanded the Judge. "Well, you see, this girl and I were drinking in a bar and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman... So I showed her."

Using a novelty invisible dog leash and collar Chuck Norris won the Westminster Dog Show.