Jane. ‘It didn’t work for us.’
‘Of course it wouldn’t,’ replies Mary.
‘You have to go alone.’
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A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?"
Girlfriend texts back "Duh!"
So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries.
"Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk.
If you want it harder, you say tomato.
If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich."
So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!"
Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"
Lesbians can also take Viagra.
They don't have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.
Chuck Norris always has s*x on the bottom.
Because he never f*cks up.
Vote:
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex?
A: Two of his fingers are clean.
Jones aside. ‘You’re in perfect health,’ he says.
‘Your wife didn’t give me an erection, either.’
Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says I love you
You believe its true
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says 'to hell with you'
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months in pain
3 days in hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never wouldn't have happened
If the rubber wouldn't have torn
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.
The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error.
Not long enough."
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.