What did the idiot call his pet zebra?
Spot!
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What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.
Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?
She thought children should be seen and not herded!
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor cycle stunts?
Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.
What do you call it when one rabbit challenges another rabbit to hop across a forty-yard canyon?
A hare dare.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
I have no I-Deer.
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they are black and white.
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long.
The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here.
It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator.
I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar.
Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth.
The alligator just keeps his mouth open.
After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"