Joke #3813

What did the idiot call his pet zebra? Spot!
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal

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Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!
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has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal
What is the longest organ in a sheep's body? A New Zealander's cock!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: animal
What are the spots on black-and-white cows? Holstaines.
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Yours sincerely,  The CAT
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, weather
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"
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has 81.43 % from 272 votes. More jokes about: animal, IT, management, money, programmer
What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no I-Deer.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle. The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so." That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."
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has 52.76 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: animal, beauty, marriage
Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, Chuck Norris
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.” The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, “Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!” Agnes whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it… you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.” Madge says, “I KNOW…but this one’s eating my POPCORN!”
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal