What is a dolphin's favorite TV show?
Whale of fortune.
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I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath.
"Here's the cutest baby animal ever."
"Now let's watch something eat it."
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.
"I'd like to get the turtle soup, please."
The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.
"Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
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What do cows call Frank Sinatra?
Old Moo Eyes.
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper?
A Brontosnorus.
According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.
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Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
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Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.
Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."