What is a dolphin's favorite TV show?
Whale of fortune.
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What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and sheep?
A wooly jumper.
What's a pet's favorite day?
Saint Petrick's Day.
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym?
A: He was destroying his calves.
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
Look for gray hares.
Three tortoises, Tinku, Teku and Toku, went into a restaurant. Each of them ordered a large ice cream sundae. They were waiting for their order when they noticed that it was pouring with rain outside.
"We are going to need our umbrellas," said Toku. Tinku agreed. They both decided that Teku should run home to get the umbrellas, but he didn't want to go in case they ate his ice-cream while he was away. But Toku and Tinku promised that they would do nothing of the kind, so Teku set off.
One week went by and Teku did not return. Two weeks went by and still he did not appear. Halfway through the third week, Tinku turned to Toku and said, "Come on, let's eat his ice cream."
"Okay, let's," said Toku.
Just then Teku's voice piped up from under the next table, "If you do, I won't go for that umbrella!"
What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn?
A Moles Royce.
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom.
She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her.
They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating.
She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."