Joke #3879

What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand.
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A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
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A patient that was waiting for a heart transplant has the chance to choose tree alternatives: 1. One heart is from a young athlete that died from a car accident. 2. Second is the heart of a business man that never smoked or drunk that died from an airplane accident. 3. The last one is a lawyers heart that died after 30 years of experience. I'll take the lawyers heart. After the transplant, the doctor asks the patient: "Why did you choose the lawyers heart?" "Simple! I chose the heart that was less used..."
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: business, car, death, drunk, lawyer
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!
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has 50.22 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? A: A great place to start.
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has 30.43 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
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has 71.15 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: cop, lawyer, wife