A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked. "Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?" The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.” “Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
I once meet a honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.
Yo' Mama is so fat, politicians fight over redistricting her ass.
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant. "Well that's not an crime", said the judge! "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened", answered the prisoner.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.
Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner. Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck. The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up. Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in. "Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look bigger."