A junior partner in a law firm is sent to represent a client accused of murder.
After a long trial, the case is won and the client acquitted.
The young lawyer telegraphs his firm with the message, ‘Justice prevailed’.
The senior partner telegraphs back, ‘Appeal immediately’.
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What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his rear.
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits!
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
Vote:
An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor.
The doctor says, ‘We have three possible donors.
One is a young, healthy athlete.
The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.’
‘I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,’ says the patient.
‘Why?’ asks the doctor.
The patient replies, ‘It’s never been used.’
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he opened the door a truck came roaring past and completely tore off the driver’s door of the Lexus.
The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911.
When a policeman arrived, the lawyer was still screaming hysterically.
His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust.
"I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Didn’t you notice that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
The lawyer looked down to his left side and let out a terrible scream: "Oh my God!… MY ROLEX!"
What do you call Satan and a lawyer?
Twins!
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
Vote:
If a lawyer and a tax official were both drowning and you could only save one of them, what would you do; go to lunch or read the paper?