There is nothing wrong with sex on TV – as long as you don’t fall off.
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How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself?
He’s smoking a cigarette.
If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.
An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
Vote:
"Will you marry me?" Is a marriage proposal.
"Will, You, Mary, Me" is a foursome proposal.
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey.
Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
Q: How big are the pastro's beds?
A: Oh c'mon, it knows every little kid.
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."