Two men are having a drink together. One says, ‘I had sex with my wife before we were married. What about you?’ ‘I don’t know,’ says the other. ‘What was her maiden name?’
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She: "What are you doing?" Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
Robert came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', Asked Robert. 'I'm going to Nairobi', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get 4000 a night for what I give you for free! 'Robert said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. 'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife. Robert said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on 8000 a year!'
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
A French monk wrote a manifesto stating that every woman would agree to sell her body for money. The manifesto was read by the Queen of France and she invited the monk for a chat. So, you're stating that every women would agree to sell herself? Yes. Me too? Of course. And how much do you think I would cost? 500 francs. What?! Only 500 francs?! Here you go - you've already started to negotiate.
My girlfriend used to fake foreplay. A man falls asleep on a beach and gets severe sunburn. He’s rushed to hospital by his wife
A Girl was towelling her wet pussy. She enjoyed it so much that she began to rub it vigorously until... ...the pussy cried "Meow" and runs away. Moral Lessons 1. Be kind to Animals 2. Always keep your thoughts clean...
Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut.
Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'
Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
Kamasutra says: If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!