Two men are having a drink together. One says, ‘I had sex with my wife before we were married. What about you?’ ‘I don’t know,’ says the other. ‘What was her maiden name?’
The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.
A beautiful woman sits next to a drunk in a bar. He turns to her and says, ‘Hey, honey. How about you and me getting it on? I’ve got a couple of pounds and it looks like you could use the money.’ The woman turns to him and says, ‘What makes you think I charge by the inch?’
What does a Blonde say after multiple orgasms? Way to go team!
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?" A: "Spit and swallow."
A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite. ‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk. ‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’
Programming is like sex One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Rudolph the well hung reindeer, Had a great enormous cock, All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock, All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small, Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all, Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong... Fuck my arsehole all night long!" Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say, "Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"
‘Its been a rough day. I put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.’ Rodney Dangerfield