Q: What's brown and in the military? A: Gomer's pile.
There was a man who just got out of the army. He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house. He told the women, "Gimme anything you got." So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside." She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?" She says, "I picked off all the scabs."
Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.
Did you hear about the 120-pound guy with the 30-pound testicles? People say he was half-nuts!
Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo ? A: B-52...F-16...A-10.
Iran reveals a plan to test its first Chuck Norris within a week.
Two old ladies are at the movies. "Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off." "What makes you say that?" "He's using my hand."
I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears. What am I? Ugly!
LaShaunda had just given birth to a daughter and discussed possible names with her hospital roommate, LaQoowanga. LaShwanda mentioned a name she had heard in the doctor's office, "Vagina". When the hospital personnel asked her what name to put on the birth certificate, LaShaunda said "Vagina". "You can't name your baby that!" "Don't disrespect me! I be her mama. I can names her anything I want." When the hospital person tried to explained what the name meant, LaShaunda said, "No, No! that's a cootchie!"
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.” The cadet replied, “Not me, Sarge…no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in another line!”
Q: What's the ultimate rejection? A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.