Joke #3916

‘I’ve found the secret of eternal youth. I lie about my age.’ Bob Hope How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? One.

"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter. To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.

There was a trucker riding along on a highway, While riding he sees a priest on the side of the road sticking his thumb out trying to catch a ride. So out of curtisy the trucker stops and picks up the priest. They start chatting and having a good time. On the way they see a homeless person on the side of the street. The truckers veers off and hits the homeless person. *bu-dump* the trucker sees homeless person,*bu-dump* the driver who is laughing histerically wasn't watching the road and there was another bu-dump, The driver immediatly stops and looks around nervous."what was that?" he looks at the priest and the priest looks back. "You missed a homeless guy, but don't worry I got him with the door."

You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts... Man, and do you have life? OMG, No! Could you send me a link?

Now, that's gotta be a hell of a thing to go to jail for cable. You in there with mass murderers and everybody. "What you in here for?" "I killed six people. What you in here for?" "Comedy Central."

A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"

Q: Why is Santa always so jolly? A: He knows where all the naughty girls live.

One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."

Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.

Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath? A: Stinkerbell!