Joke #3918

The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.

The goal of life is living in agreement with Chuck Norris.

I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with. I dyed my hair!

If you think nobody care if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Amazing unbelievable facts 1. Isaac Newton was alive before he died 2. It takes 60 seconds to make a minute 3. Albert Einstein was born on his birthday 4. Morgan Freeman is called Morgan Freeman because his first name is Morgan and last name is Freeman

There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.

Recently, I've been using the Bible for support. I've got a wobbly coffee table.

Yes, money cannot buy happiness, but it is much more comfortable to cry in a new BMW than on a bike.

I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their mustache, and suddenly she is not your friend anymore...

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

The more self-killers, the fewer self-killers.