The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit.
They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature.
The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh I know."
So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle.
She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car.
Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved.
Then dissapered over it.
The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?"
His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."
Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying."
The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."
Two communists were sitting in a dive bar when one said to the other:
"Communism is the ultimate expression of generosity."
"True," the other replied.
"If you had two houses, would you give me one?"
"Absolutely."
"And if you had two cars, would you give me one?" the first communist asked.
"Without hesitation," the second communist replied.
"And chickens. If you had two chickens, would you give me one?"
The second communist thought about the question for a few moments before answering.
"No," he said.
"Why not?"
"Because I have two chickens."
If I had my whole life to live over again, I don’t think I’d have the strength.
I've recently got a stalker.
He's everywhere all the time.
And his thing is that he sends other people to profess his love for me.
So I can be walking down the street and all of a sudden a lady will appear screaming: "JESUS LOVES YOU."
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
The second guy wishes the same.
The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
Vote:
Q: What's in the wardrobe?
A: Narnia business.
Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?"
"No, I'm still alive."
Vote:
Kanye West compared himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs.
Apparently none of them could sing, either.
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"