Joke #3918

The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.
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has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life

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A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
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has 85.32 % from 1200 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, women
A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
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has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, life, old people, women
Q: Why did Mexico send only a couple thousand Mexicans to fight in the Alamo? A: Because they only had 4 trucks.
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has 27.66 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, mexican
Some newly-weds arrive to the hotel and the girl very afraid tells her husband: "Honey, I don't know nothing of this, can you help me, please?" I will Honey, starting from this instant, we will call your thing the prison and my thing will we call the prisoner, so... we will put the prisoner in the prison" And they throw the first one. and the guy is laying face up on the bed, but the girl was delighted and tells her husband: "Love, the prisoner is outside the prison!!!" The guy not very delighted tells her: "Lets put him into the prison another time!!" And the second ...but the girl is very sweet-toothed and she tells him: "!! Honey !!!... .The prisoner is out again!!!" The man rises, with the legs like a recently born foal. And they throw the third!!! He is laying on the bed, exhausted and the girl says: "!!! Honey, the prisoner escaped again!!!" And he answers with his last breath: "HEY !, It's not life imprisonment!!
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has 67.16 % from 319 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, love, prison, sex
Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen tanks when scuba diving. He simply sucks all the life out of the ocean to breath.
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
A professor was walking along a very narrow street when he came face to face with a rival professor. The street was too narrow for two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: "I never make way for fools!" Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said: "I always do."
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has 83.24 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: life
I'm trying to write a joke about overdosing on cocaine. But I need a line to end it.
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: drug, life
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
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has 82.91 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: life, mean, men, women
A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his ass. "Why do you have a cork up your ass?" "Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, 'No s**t!"
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has 72.05 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: genie, life
Women are looking for Mr. Right. Men are looking for Ms. Right Now.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: life