Joke #4916

Imagine that ur in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you. What do you do? U stop imagining...

I did so much crack, one day I broke in my own house. I ain't lying. I was halfway out the door with the TV before I realized it was my place. And before I broke in, I used to stand outside and case the joint. Finally, I said, "Damn, this brother will never come home!"

Q: Why is Santa always so jolly? A: He knows where all the naughty girls live.

Air traffic controller: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." Airline pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Air Traffic controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?"

There’s one good thing about life. It’s only temporary.

Recently, I've been using the Bible for support. I've got a wobbly coffee table.

You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.

Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Chad. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "

The fastest dialog in the world: (WC door is opening) Man inside: Heyyy! Man outside: Sorryyy!

Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret? They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!

Why are we so sure that Eve was African? If she were white, she wouldn't have eaten that apple! She would say, "Is this organic? What would Oprah do?" If she had been Asian, she'd have eaten the damn snake!