What do you get if you cross a computer with a herb?
A thyme machine.
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No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.
Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you are nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking bitches!
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What did one computer say to the other?
010101101010101010101
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses?
A: Because they don't C#.
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A life? Cool… Where can I download one of those?
Fed up with your computer winning at chess?
Try it at kick-boxing instead!
A Computer Engineer was asked by his five-year-old son:
"Dad, what is Windows 95?"
"Well, it’s 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
Your Momma is so fat, she takes her picture with Google Earth.
A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society.
Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests.
The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people.
Host: Who have you brought along?
Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost.
A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people.
Host: Who have you bought along?
DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants.
A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own.
Host: Why haven't you brought anyone?
SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan.
20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess.
Host: Where have you been MySQL?
MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.
Q: What do you call a programmer from Finland?
A: Nerdic.
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