What did one computer say to the other?
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The computer programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball."
Son: "Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"
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At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement:
"Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem.
Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space.
They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass.
Russia used a pencil.
Did you know you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet?
It doesn’t take much memory – just two Bytes.
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Bill Gates died in a car accident.
He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God…
“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”
Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?”
God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.”
“Fine, but where should I go first?”
God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.”
Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Hell first.”
So Bill went to Hell.
It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters.
There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.
The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect.
Bill was very pleased.
“This is great!” he told God, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!”
“Fine,” said God and off they went.
Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing.
It was nice but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision.
“Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God.
“Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.”
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell.
When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave.
He was being burned and tortured by demons.
“How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked.
Bill responded – his voice full of anguish and disappointment,
“This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?”
God says, “That was the screen saver”.
To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.
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Yo mama is so stupid that she bought curtains for her computer just because it had Windows.
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!"
The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"
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