What goes ‘choo choo choo’ while online?
Thomas the search engine.
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My software never has bugs.
It just develops random features.
Computers are like air conditioners.
They work fine until you start opening windows.
Fed up with your computer winning at chess?
Try it at kick-boxing instead!
Who said Windows 98 is a virus was wrong.
Why?
Because a virus does something.
A businessman is invited for an audience with the Pope but finds it clashes with a meeting he has with Bill Gates.
The businessman asks his secretary which appointment he should go to.
‘Definitely the Pope,’ replies the secretary.
‘He’ll only expect you to kiss his hand.’
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating?
Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
Q: What do you call a computer expert?
A: A control-alt-elite.
Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.
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What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
A URLologist.
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer.
‘If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?’
Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless.
When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
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