Joke #3941

Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same service.

An aspiring young lawyer was sitting in her office late one night, when Satan appeared before her. The Devil told the lawyer "I have a proposition for you…" "You can win every case you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your your husband’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and the souls of all your friends and law partners." The lawyer ponders this for a moment, then finally asks: "So, what’s the catch?"

Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.

A guy was talking with his friend: I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those...

A police chief, a fire chief, and a city attorney were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer welcomed them in but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn. This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a lawyer are riding together on a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the best vodka out of his pack, pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In Russia, we have the best vodka in the world - nowhere in the world, you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukraine. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying this, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle through it. All the others are quite impressed. The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, unwraps one, lights it, and begins to smoke, saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Nowhere else in the world produces such a fine cigar, and we have so many of them, that we can just throw them away..." Saying that he opens the window and throws the pack of Havanas through it. Once again, everybody is quite impressed. At this point, the American stands up silently, opens the window, and throws the lawyer through it.

A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff - how come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

A doctor and a lawyer are involved in a car crash. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor is a little shaken up, offers him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepts, has a drink and hands back the flask. The lawyer puts it in his pocket. ‘Aren’t you having one yourself?’ asks the doctor. ‘Sure,’ says the lawyer. ‘But I’ll wait till after the police leave.’