Joke #3803

Man to lawyer: ‘If I give you £500, will you answer two questions?’ Lawyer: ‘Absolutely. What’s the other question?’
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A junior partner in a law firm is sent to represent a client accused of murder. After a long trial, the case is won and the client acquitted. The young lawyer telegraphs his firm with the message, ‘Justice prevailed’. The senior partner telegraphs back, ‘Appeal immediately’.
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
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has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? A: To practice.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, love, Valentines day
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
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has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: airplane, business, lawyer
"Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow!" "Was it a Jersey cow?" "I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!"
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? A mosquito drops off you when you die!
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
30 degrees... It was so cold out today that even the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange"!
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat. While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat. The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God! Help me, help me!’ His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter. The lawyer points to his feet and screams, ‘I’m melting! I’m melting…!’
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has 54.16 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer