To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice.
To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.
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Q: Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin?
A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
A blonde, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a brunette, a redhead, a lawyer, a rabbi, a musician, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American, A Russian, an Iraqi, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, George W Bush, Osama Bin laden and Barack Obama walked into a bar.
The barman said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a spermatozoid?
Only one from 30.000 gets a man.
The judge:
Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association?
The inculpated:
Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor.
Who gets it?
The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Clothes.
A desperate man enters a bar and says:
All the lawyers are stupid!!!
From a table a solid man rises up and goes to the desperate man:
Take that back!
Why? Are you a lawyer?
No, I’m stupid...
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.