Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing?
Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
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A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.
The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100."
The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage.
They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks.
Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.
The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!”
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years.
A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once.
He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.
"Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
How many lawyers dose it take to change a light bulb?
3, 1 to climb the ladder, 1 to shake it, and 1 to sue the ladder company.
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What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
Applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be any special problem.
He replied that he paid it back right after his first case.
When asked how he managed that, he said, "Well, my dad sued me for it and won."
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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